The Evils of Babysitting

---My Grandparents’ house in the province---

“Kill me. Please.” I thought to myself as I entered the chaos stricken guest room. The bed covers were on the floor, pillows were scattered everywhere, shoes on the bed and kids screaming and running around. I wanted to bang my head against the door.

“ATEEEEEEE!!!” Ella’s shrill voice reached my ears as she clung to my waist. I picked up the six-year-old girl and carried her to the bed.

“Guys! ‘Wag makulit, please.” I said tiredly as I grabbed the pillow from Ella’s older brother, Kenneth, stopping him from hitting Mark, their youngest sibling. “And you! Get down from there or I’ll smack you in the head.” I warned J.J., my eleven-year-old brother. He had climbed up the headboard and was getting ready to jump down on the mattress.

“How did you get yourself into this mess?” I asked myself as I left the room and collapsed down on the couch.

‘Well, for one thing, you agreed to do it.’ The smart-alecky voice in my head answered.

“Don’t remind me.” I groaned.

I was barely awake when I was asked to watch the kids. I didn’t even know what I was agreeing to. Apparently, my uncle’s kids aka my cousins (Kenneth, 7, Ella, 6, and Mark, 4) were coming over to the house and since all the adults in the vicinity are particularly busy, I was given the task of babysitting. To top it all off, my brother’s less than unhelpful.

I heard screaming coming from the guest room where I was tempted to barricade them in. Sure, they’re my cousins and they’re cute and adorable but they were also hyperactive little rascals. And let me tell you something, I don’t do well with kids. My patience wears thin easily.

‘You really should check on the kiddies.’ The voice in my head spoke up. That know-it-all is getting into my nerves.

“Yeah, yeah.” Rolling my eyes, I got up from my perch and prepared myself for the carnage.
My eyebrow arched up as I saw my little cousins mauling my brother.

‘Okaaaaay, maybe it’s a good idea to leave them to their own devices.’ Looks like the smart-aleck’s eating her words.

‘Maybe it’s a good idea to just back up. They might come after you next.’ Another voice piped up.

I heard J.J. grunt in pain as Kenneth and Ella jumped onto his back while Mark started hitting everyone within reach with a pillow. Obeying the voices in my head, I backed out of the room only to be called back into the war zone by Ella and Mark’s yelling.

“Oi! What’s going on here?” I demanded, pushing the door open as I did so, only to be hit in the face with a pillow. Dammit, these kids have good aim. I picked up the pillow and received another one to the head. This is just not my day. I threw the pillows back onto the bed where J.J. and Kenneth were whacking each other with pillows.

It took me a moment to process that the two other kids were missing. Scanning the room, I saw a foot peeking out under the bed. Mark.

“Mark, get out from under the bed.” I said as I pulled him out. I kneeled down in front of him as
I dusted off his clothes. “Asan si Ella?”

“Yun!” Mark answered, pointing behind me. I turned to find his sister pulling out clothes from the closet. I pulled her away from the clothes and closed the closet door, only to hear a loud clatter somewhere behind me. Oh great. The curtains are on the floor. I sighed exasperatedly. Apparently Mark had felt the urge to pull the curtain off the hooks. As I tried to put the curtains back, I saw Ella climbing up the head board.

“Ella, malaglag ka. ‘Wag kang umakyat ‘jan.” I picked her up and set her down on the floor. Going back to the curtains, I left the kids to their own devices. Soon enough, they were back to mauling each other. I pulled them apart and asked them to sit still for just a few moments. Damn, I’m getting tired of this.

“ATEEEE!” Kenneth knocked the wind out of me as he tackled me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, yelling incoherently.

“Anong meron?” I asked, putting a hand on his head.

“Si Ella. She pinched me!” He said, pointing at his sister. Sure enough, I saw an angry red mark on his cheek. Further examining the damage, I saw that it was starting to bleed. I took Kenneth to the bathroom to get his wound cleaned up and when we got back to the guest room, J.J., Ella and Mark were practically a mass of limbs, wrestling and pouncing on each other.

“Oy! Break it up!” I yelled over the shrill screaming of the children. It wasnt a surprise that they barely noticed me.

I strode out of the room and went back to my spot. A few minutes later, Ella and Kenneth found their way to the living room and were playing on the floor just within my reach. They had their pet hamsters out of their cages and were making them run around on the floor. I felt someone tugging gently at my pant leg and looking down, I saw Mark on the floor, smiling serenely.

“Hey Mark, What up?” I smiled, bending down and ruffling his hair. He pointed to his sister’s pet and said, “Hamster!”

“Yes, it’s a hamster.” I said airily as I noticed that Kenneth wasn’t within sight. I sat up and looked around. I found him alright. He was at the back of the couch and had stuffed his pet hamster down the back of my shirt. I felt its little feet clawing my skin and its fur against my back. Hamsters were adorable and small and soft but I do not appreciate it when you stuff it down my shirt. I fought the urge to cuss out loud and ended up saying something that sounded like “eeeerrrggggummmmphhh!” but what I really wanted to say was, “FREAKING HELL! Shit! Shit shit shit! There’s an effin’ rodent inside my shirt! Shit!”

I got it out eventually and handed it back to Kenneth who was still laughing along with his siblings. I’m usually strongly opposed to animal cruelty but at that moment, I was more than happy to give the hamster to Nikki, our shih tzu, as a chew toy. Eyeing the gray hamster with sadism, I ushered the kids back to the guest room where I left them to their own devices and went back to watching TV.

“YAAARGH!!!” I heard J.J. yell and I trudged back into the guest room.

“What now?” I said with a little more frustration than I would’ve liked.

“He bit me!” J.J. said indignantly as he pointed accusingly at Kenneth. “And she pinched me!” He shifted his gaze to Ella.

“Okay.” I rolled my eyes. As much as I enjoyed other people’s misery, I had to set a good example. “That wasn’t nice.” I frowned at the kids and they shifted quietly. “Be good and play nice. ‘wag magulo.” As if telling them that ever worked. Just as I left the room, they were at it again.

A few more minutes of pulling the kids off of each other, chasing them up and down the stairs and trying to feed them lunch, I was practically at wits end. I was in the process of banging my head against the wall outside the guest room when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“O, hija,asan na ang mga bata?” My grandmother’s just arrived. And here comes my salvation! Sure enough, she was followed by my aunt and uncle as well as my mother. I’m free! My grandmother pressed a five hundred peso bill into my hand and placed a kiss on my forehead.

Five hundred bucks for three hours of babysitting? Hmm...it’ll do.